certain things you ought to know

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 17:32:52 GMT

Srsly, yous all, ADD MY NEW JOURNAL! Myevilempire. I've added all of you. And some of you can't receive nonfriend comments to tell you . Pssshhfff....

A new day is rising!

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 23:21:47 GMT

I have a new journal.

My username is "myevilempire."

I've added everyone who is a friend now, so check your pages.

Well, journal, g'day...

No, you probably won't get it.

Thu, 24 May 2007 07:20:41 GMT

So, I start work tomorrow.
Thank GOD! I need money. I need something to do. My mind and body are beginning to atrophy.

I've been downloading music like crazy to keep sane. It's quite the boost. It also makes me feel very cultured and important when I can listen to Joanna Newsom and Choking Victim in the same hour. Don't I just have such diverse tastes!

Fri, 18 May 2007 06:00:54 GMT

I miss everyone so much.

Fri, 11 May 2007 05:57:29 GMT

Something I wrote in here almost two years ago-- "Everything up until this point has been just as much the product of me wanting to feel something as actually feeling it."

Still horribly true, but less so. As for my past, I can differentiate between those things in retrospect. For instance: I miss writing far into every night even though I had school the next morning. I miss the people I could talk to all night about my fear of death. I miss the one boy who made me feel as safe as my father does. I miss driving through Millville Plains. I miss falling asleep in my old room on Christmas Eve with the lights on outside my window.

Gypsy

Tue, 08 May 2007 02:32:30 GMT

I decided to focus on internships next year instead of applying for the Honors program. It seems more applicable to my actual career goals, but probably won't look as good on an application. Oh well! Damn, I need to finish my graduation papers.

Living here is terrible for my mental health. I think I am a perennial outsider. It is trendy to be an outcast now, to be eccentric. Except I really am an eccentric outcast. Too weird for my own good, and intermittently too proud and too ashamed to modify my personality so that I may interact with a wider group of people.

Sun, 06 May 2007 01:22:44 GMT

I feel so inadequate and unattractive here.

Fri, 04 May 2007 08:59:11 GMT

I'm excited about my new living situation. I'll be with a girl from my Psych 101 group, her boyfriend, and another girl who just got out of the Peace Corps; they are all normal, intelligent people who don't bleach their hair or throw keggers. The house is a 15-minute bike ride from campus. All in all, a good fit.

It has been pouring for hours. I'm ambivalent and eating tomato soup. I may or may not be feeling lonely... or crowded. Fuck knows. I've been having trouble sleeping lately. Not just because I've wanted to be sleeping next to someone this week for no reason at all, but sure, that's part of it.

Somebody's gonna be tired tomorrow.

Hm?

Wed, 02 May 2007 16:59:21 GMT

I had a dream last night that I gave birth. I was suddenly pregnant, and then had the baby within a few minutes. Did I mention that this was on a storefront? One of my professors delivered the baby, and then both of them disappeared, and I was on the storefront again, talking to some random guy from one of my classes. I thought about my baby and realized that I hadn't named her/him, and then started to cry uncontrollably. "I'm not ready for this!"

I think that every boy I've ever had feelings for was in that dream, as well. Either the birth segment of it or the other parts. I woke up this morning feeling very uneasy and nostalgic.

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 21:47:07 GMT

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!1!!!

"Throw off your chains!"

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 03:09:45 GMT

Today has been a good day. The days will just continue to get better, I am pretty sure, now that I have less weight on me.

Thoughts on dating.

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 07:20:26 GMT

I want someone who:

will listen to Destroyer until 3 in the morning.
watches those mid-century exploitation films TMC plays after midnight on Fridays.
will appreciate it if I send him random "pix" messages of ridiculous or pretty things.
likes to wake up early and cuddle all morning.
understands the language of self-deprecation.
asks me how I'm doing on a regular basis.

Today I realized that I might be ready to meet someone. I think I'm more attuned to who is most likely to rake me over the coals, and to what kind of relationship is best for me. The drama of being single and dealing with various people off the record is starting to get to me. Not that I'm looking for a relationship, per se-- I need to be unattached until I find someone that blows me away, but when that does happen, I think I'll be okay. I guess I do learn from things sometimes.

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 06:09:46 GMT

My iTunes was broken for over a month, and about a half hour ago I figured out how to fix it.

Music is a major player in my life, but I hadn't realized how major until this. God, I've missed listening. I might stay up all night and catch up.

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 02:23:30 GMT

So, I register in a few days, and I'm hoping for:

PSYC 334: Cognition
PSYC 466: Learning & Memory
PSYC 573: Counseling Psychology (!)

and for electives, it depends exactly what times are available for me after I register for the courses for my major, but I'm looking at...

ANTH 312: Cataclysmic Events in Human Prehistory
SOC 380: Sociology of Deviant Behavior
SOC 356: Genocide and Mass Persuasion in the 20th Century

How cool is that?! I love college!

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 21:38:29 GMT

I'm busy and ambivalent. I haven't slept much lately. Everything sort of came at me at once. Friends, schoolwork (!), club BS, family events. I like being hectic, though. There's always something going on, and I feel useful.

Yeah, I'm a bit worn out, though. I mean, it's like a tsunami of human interaction has crashed over the rural town of my existence. (Muahahaha.) (....)

I'm going to a film tomorrow night about Israeli and Palestinian children that may, I just realized, count for extra credit in my Women & Religion class. I wish I could pursue cultural anthropology or religious studies. How fucking fascinating would that be?

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 03:34:43 GMT

Everything seems to be a cycle. Have you noticed that?

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 15:20:37 GMT

I am confused about a great many things. But it's okay. One could even say that I am existing in a bubble of blissful ambivalence. Ahhhh, feel the insecurity take over you in a great wave, and embrace the warmth of mindless living.

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 06:46:26 GMT

I don't really look forward to anything anymore.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 07:17:28 GMT

Well, everything's alright this week. I'm not so stressed, and my PMSing should be over shortly... So, I've decided to try to work on some things. Like thinking positively. And the following problem:

I am a terrible communicator.
Why can't I just allow things to be simple? Why can't I allow myself to show people how much I care about them?

My brain is way too convoluted. It's all that psycho-babble; it's tripping me up.

:)

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 06:02:15 GMT

So who the fuck allowed this bigoted article into Time magazine? "Two Mommies Is One Too Many?" I certainly haven't heard of any evidence to support that. There are so many levels of "wrong" in this article that I can't even name them all in one bulletin. Its assumption of strict gender roles in parenting. Its support of archaic gender socialization ("boys don't just know how to be boys..."). Its lack of actual research to back up its claims.

And, most prominently, the way it completely ignores the fact that the nuclear family is not of "God's design" and was actually created in the 50's. (Plus, of course, its assumption that God exists and has a design in the first place.) It speaks of the "traditional family, rooted in 5,000 years of human experience." Well, if we really wanna get technical here, why don't we all live with our parents and siblings until the day we die, in cramped quarters, and have as many kids per couple as the woman is able to pop out? Why don't we sell our daughters off to the highest bidder and allow their husbands to beat them on a daily basis? Yes, the Traditional Christian Family sounds FANTASTIC.

"But set aside the scientific findings for a minute. Isn't there something in our hearts that tells us, intuitively, that children need a mother and a father?"

Jesus Christ; I could just scream.

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 06:54:02 GMT

Well. This week I have become incredibly disillusioned with the university system on several different fronts (shamelessly biased professors, parking permit scams, and the outrageous prices of any professor-created items to be purchased at Mr. Kopy).

However, I have also fallen in love with Devendra Banhart and this Springish weather. Yes, I feel light as a feather, and I'm not ashamed! Let's go.

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 08:05:06 GMT

It seems as if I am the only one of my friends who isn't spending the night heavily medicated...

(PS: Thanks for the doped-up conversations, everyone.)

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 09:30:05 GMT

I'm so ready for Spring. I'm fucking tired of the wind chewing up my face and knuckles. It would have been a bright idea to bring that Norwegian Hand Cream up here for break, but I don't have bright ideas very often. If I had money, I'd get some of that hand cream for my dad and for Josh, since they work outside and their skin is constantly splitting; I guess I'll have to find other ways to be maternal.

Semester apprehension has slowly begun to seep into my brain. I may actually have to study (!). While I am certain I'll find some effective short cuts, the process will probably require more time than usual.

Fuck, my dog is barking. I hate it when he barks. Sometimes I wish my parents didn't live out in the middle of fucking nowhere, where anything or anyone could be hiding in the darkness.

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 09:42:27 GMT

I think I'm getting sick. Seeing as several people I've recently come into contact with, and the person I last kissed, are all deathly ill right now, it wouldn't be much of a stretch. Fantastic.

Nervous breakdown today. I think I have been stressed without knowing it... because all kinds of things poured out tonight.

I have had the strangest urge to cuddle lately. It is always a priority, of course, but during the past week, I don't know-- all I want to do is tangle up with someone under a blanket and sleep, just sleep on and on until the holidays and the long stretch of winter are past us.

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 23:21:13 GMT

People/Things That Piss Me Off, v. I:

Scene kids
Panic at the Disco
Willful ignorance
Textbook prices
Gender socialization
The double standard of promiscuity for women
Religious doctrine as a basis for law or government
Stupid girls who have nothing to say
The men who prefer stupid girls who have nothing to say
Complaints about short hair on women
Bright people without ambition who waste themselves
Social alcoholism
Friends who don't interact sober
Hard drugs
Being seen as a sexual object above all else
"Anti-conformist" subculture conformity
People's unwillingness to accept the unusual
The American mass media's output to the rest of the world
Being dismissed altogether when I am no longer deemed attractive
The fact that higher education costs so much fucking money
Western ethnocentrism

I could keep going, and going, and.